The older I get, the more I realize how actually terrible I have been at making time for myself.
A typical day goes something like this: I will make time to get to a class at the gym after work because I know it makes me feel better and I need that today. Except I need to go to the grocery store/I didn’t get the party supplies yet for this weekend/I owe so-and-so a thank you note/my closet is a mess and needs to be cleaned out because the house cleaner comes tomorrow, so I’m going to cancel on myself and do [insert “other thing” here] instead.
When this happens I’ll either be really happy with the decision I made, because I will make an absolute dent in organizing my house/sending out thank you notes/stocking the house with T’s favorite foods/crossing off all of the things on my to do list, or I will be really annoyed that I should have done something for myself but didn’t (because instead, I spent the time sitting in the living room watching Teen Mom OG and eating every snack I could find in the house). And that, my friends, is how I’ve gained 15 pounds since college.
Just kidding. It’s only 10.
Let’s get serious here for a minute. My whole life I’ve had this fear of disappointing someone, even when others have disappointed me.
Maybe it’s a middle child thing? (I’ve always heard of the middle child supposedly being “the peacemaker” – though I’m pretty sure I’ve caused my fair share of arguments with my sisters!)
Whatever the reason, I am a people-pleaser.
I get really upset if someone is mad at me or disappointed because of something I did (or didn’t do), and I spend far too much time worrying about what people think of me. What if I post this Instagram photo and reference a blog post I wrote and then someone from high school finds it and finds my blog and tells their friend who also went to my high school that I write a blog. Um, hi, I write a blog. It’s public.
When I read Liz’s post on why she doesn’t attend New York Fashion Week, it reminded me that I don’t have to do something (or not do something) just because it’s status quo. I don’t need to say “yes” to everything.
Hell, I need to start saying “no” more often.
Working full time and managing a blog (and everything that goes along with it- photography, accounting, social media, writing, etc.) leaves little time for other things.
So I guess this is a reminder to take a step back and prioritize what’s important.
Do I need to make sure we have all of T’s cereals in the house at any one time? Nope. Should I make it a priority to get to pilates? Probably, because it affects how I feel.
I’m going to make a conscious effort to stop filling my calendar just to fill it and prioritize the things that matter most.